the past two months I've been in a state of delirium. Composed mostly of growing, procrastinating, dreaming, denial, excitement, sadness, with a dash of laughter all in between. I've found that although I was me these past two months, I wasn't exactly present.
Its hard to explain.
I've found that when I incur stress in my Life, to others I seem to handle it well, but in all
truth- not really, really.
When I stress I hold value to things that give me immediate gratification. Which is a catch for me because of the following examples:
my awesome way of dealing with planning my upcoming semester.
(meaning I haven't yet, I am known to wait til the last minute. Literally. The. Last. Minute.)
My crazy beautiful relationship with the Man that I will spend the rest of my Life with. The catch? We have about five states in between us for now.
I try to stay balanced but this Summer was different for me. I almost relished in the recklessness of it. I put off things that were important and obsessed over situations that were extremely silly. But I also danced in the rain, fell out of a canoe and saw about a million stars.
(But that is for another story time.)
So I ask to be excused. I woke up today in a state of excitement and also with a ball of stress that was bouncing around in my tummy. I am basically excusing myself for not doing all of the things I should have accomplished this Summer of Haze. But then I think, this is me. This is just who I am. I am back in the present.
And to be a Gift to others, you must be Present.
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